Unlocking Confidence: Addressing Childhood Influences on Women's Self-Belief

Recently, I stumbled upon some fascinating research: a staggering 50% of men surveyed believed they could successfully land a commercial airplane if the need arose.

This got me thinking about the inherent, yet occasionally (some may argue, often) unfounded confidence that many men seem to possess. Now this is not about bashing men, these impressive confidence levels are what sees men going for more promotions, pushing themselves forward in life and career more than their female counterparts, so it is noteworthy. But what about women? Why do we sometimes find ourselves held back by lack of confidence or is it simply fear of failure which and if so, how can we break free from its grasp?

In my book, "Kweens Happiness Decoded," which delves into the pursuit of happiness for women, I draw from countless confidential conversations with women from diverse backgrounds who have visited my clinic over the years. Through these discussions, I observed common themes and patterns that shed light on the challenges women face in their pursuit of happiness. One recurring theme that emerged was the impact of societal norms and constraints, particularly regarding sex-based roles and expectations.

From an early age, girls are often subjected to subtle forms of ‘gender’ bias and internalized misogyny. They may be encouraged to be kind, nice, and accommodating, while boys are granted more autonomy and freedom. Think back, as a girl was your pocket money attached to performing domestic chores and then restrictions on what it can be spent on? Maybe male siblings didn’t have these conditions, along with the attachment to household matters. Reflecting on when boys are growing up, are they allowed to stay out later or go on holiday with friends as teenagers earlier, compared to the girls. This disparity in treatment can have a profound effect on girls' self-worth and confidence, shaping their beliefs about their capabilities and place in the world that they take with them to adulthood.

So why is confidence so crucial? Consider that it is well known in media circles how difficult it is to get to women appear on live news shows, ultimately due to fears of harsh judgment, particularly regarding their appearance although diary clashes and childcare are usually the official line. This fear of scrutiny and criticism is not uncommon among women and can hold them back from seizing opportunities and showcasing their talents.

Could this also be fear of failure and is this a significant barrier for many women? If yes then it shouldn't be. Failure is not a reflection of our worth or abilities; it's an opportunity for growth and learning and this should be something instilled in us all from a young age as opposed to how we spend our pocket money. Thomas Edison famously said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that didn't work." Enough said!

In conclusion, overcoming fear of failure requires a shift in mindset and a rejection of societal constraints. By recognizing our inherent worth and embracing failure as a stepping stone to success, women can unlock their full potential and confidently pursue their goals both in their personal and professional lives.  So let us continue to challenge the status quo, next time you find yourself telling your daughter to sit quietly or dress prettily, check yourself. And for us women, release yourself from the shackles of self-doubt, and embrace the boundless possibilities that await you (even if you don’t fancy landing a passenger jet)!