Male vs female traits: are men and women really that different?

Are men and women actually wired differently, or are we still mistaking cultural stories for biological truth?

It seems to me that there’s been a lot of talk lately about ‘female energy’ versus ‘male energy’. I hear people wafting those terms around like it’s some sort of breakthrough in understanding the differences between men and women, especially in the workplace. While I can have a good guess at what the term female energy means, I do know this - it’s not something based in scientific fact, it’s metaphorical, not biological. 

It stems, of course, from the long-held beliefs in male versus female ‘traits’. I’ve been doing a bit of research around this and, short answer first, there is no official or scientific list of “female traits” and “male traits”. 

What people usually mean are gender stereotypes that have developed from culture, history, and social roles, not from measurable biological rules.

Traits traditionally labelled as “female”

Empathy and emotional sensitivity

Nurturing and caregiving

Communication focused on connection and collaboration

Patience and gentleness

Emotional expressiveness

Attentiveness to social harmony

Traits traditionally labelled as “male”

Assertiveness and dominance

Independence

Competitiveness

Emotional restraint

Risk-taking

Problem-solving that focuses on action and outcomes

Reality check: in truth, these traits are not biologically owned by either sex. All humans display a mix of these traits to different degrees. 

So why are men and women so different?

Culture

Culture, of course, strongly shapes which traits are encouraged or discouraged. In our culture, girls are raised to be quiet, kind, ‘nice’. Boys are raised to be bold, brave and, sadly, to put themselves at the centre of everything. Yes, I know - sweeping statement there, but in a society where men still show up in leadership and decision-making roles WAY more than women do, where women take on the vast majority of the caring load, the nurturing load, the household management load and dad just sweeps in after work and at the weekend for the fun stuff, it’s these ‘pink job blue job’ parents who are forming their child’s outlook on life and modelling behaviours they assume are fair and normal.

These ‘traits’ are not fixed at birth. Modern psychology talks less about male versus female traits and more about human traits that exist on spectrums. Someone can be emotionally expressive and assertive. Someone else can be nurturing and independent. None of that makes them more or less male or female.

Biology

Men and women are different and that is not solely because of cultural expectations built up over centuries, but because of biology: our hormones have a huge impact on our physiology and our behaviours. Our behaviours, not our traits. 

Which hormones we are talking about?

Let’s look first at testosterone

Testosterone affects the brain systems involved in:

Motivation and drive, especially toward goals

Sensitivity to status and reward

Confidence in action, particularly in competitive contexts

Energy levels and physical readiness

Testosterone is often considered the ‘male’ hormone, but both men and women both have testosterone. The effects listed above are real, measurable, and present in all sexes. The difference is mostly in the average levels present, not its exclusive presence. Testosterone affects behaviour, it does not write your personality destiny.

There’s that word again: behaviour. Testosterone does not create traits like dominance, aggression, or emotional restraint on its own. Instead, it:

Increases the likelihood of approach behaviour rather than avoidance

Amplifies existing tendencies rather than creating new ones

Makes people more responsive to social context such as competition, threat, or opportunity

For example, higher testosterone levels can increase assertiveness in a competitive setting, but the same person may be calm, nurturing, or cooperative in a non-competitive setting.

How do ‘female’ hormones affect women’s behaviours?

When people say “female hormones”, they usually mean: oestrogen, progesterone and oxytocin. However, just like testosterone, all three are present in all sexes and just like testosterone, the differences are in patterns, timing, and average levels, not ownership.

What oestrogen influences

Oestrogen affects brain regions involved in:

Emotional processing and sensitivity to social cues

Learning, memory, and verbal fluency

Mood regulation and stress response

What progesterone influences

Progesterone is linked to:

Calming and sedative effects

Increased need for safety and predictability

Heightened emotional reactivity in some phases

What oxytocin influences

Oxytocin is often called the “bonding hormone”, but that label is too simple. Oxytocin:

Enhances social bonding and trust

Increases sensitivity to social signals

Strengthens in-group attachment

Traits versus behaviours

These hormones:

Shift emotional intensity, attention, and motivation

Affect responsiveness to social and relational cues

Modulate stress and attachment behaviour

They do not install traits like empathy, gentleness, or nurturance as permanent personality features.

Cycles and individual variability matter

Because oestrogen and progesterone fluctuate across menstrual cycles, life stages, and health states the associated behavioural tendencies also change. 

So-called female hormones influence behavioural tendencies and emotional states, not inherent female traits. Personality emerges from biology, learning, experience, and context interacting over time.

The bottom line: culture matters more than hormones alone

Culture does the labelling.

Cultures, over millennia, observe some hormone-linked patterns and then:

Assign meaning to them

Reward or punish them

Call them “feminine” or ‘masculine”

But the biology itself is neutral. It is social learning and expectations that do most of the shaping.

This is all well and good - but how does knowing this help women now, in a culture still largely wrapped up in its millennia-built stereotypes?

Well, ladies, that is the entire focus of my next blog, so watch this space!